Embrace Gratitude

Day One Hundred and Eight

100 DAYS OF GRATITUDE!!!!

I haven’t posted lately.  But only because life has been so busy and awesome!  I am so proud to say that these past 22ish days have gone by with me in an amazing mood 90% of the time.

I blame it on gratitude.  And giving love.

My emotional mindset has never been better.  So many great things have come into my life and they keep happening.  I have noticed so much more when my mood is good, and how I feel when I’m happy, and whenever those feelings dip I’m able to get back on a good frequency that much faster.

My friendships have grown stronger.  My work has been awesome.  I’m happy, and the people around me are happy.

I’m so grateful for gratitude.  I’m so grateful that I have all this love and joy to give.  More and more and more people are telling me I have amazing energy, that they are drawn to me.  I get it at least once a week now.  I wish I knew more how to spread all the joy I have, but for right now I’m going to just keep smiling.

Life is what you make it.  YOU choose how you feel.  How you react to what is happening around you creates everything that comes after.  I’m a very trusting person.  People think that is naive, but if you don’t see the best in people you won’t get the best of them.  Wherever I go I see opportunity, and that is why I have so much opportunity.  You make your own life.

I can’t believe how much gratitude has changed me.  I can’t believe how much prayer and love has changed me.  I’m so excited every day and night just to be alive and to see what is happening next!  It is awesome.

:)

I’ve been slacking lately.
But only on posting! I have been giving gratitude daily and life is SO GREAT! Every single day has been amazing this week. I’m so busy I don’t have time to get on my computer.
I’m so excited about everything happening, I literally have to force myself to go to sleep…
Who would’ve thought. By focusing on only the positive things in life, all I see is positive…everything. Work is amazing, my friends are, financially I’m doing better, and I have so many opportunities close at hand!
So happy. So grateful. Mark that down… 100 days of gratitude has changed my life. I can’t wait to see the rest of the year!

Day Ninety Six

Wow I’ve been on top of my shit.

I’ve been posting every day for more than a few days.  I’ve been exercising and running like crazy.  I’m even eating (fairly) well.

And I feel awesome.

Even if my emotions start out at just okay, I haven’t dipped into sadness recently.  And I feel great about that.  I had two big milestones last week and both of them helped a lot.  Ditching someone who was very toxic and making peace with my ex made a really huge difference.  Making peace with myself.

And I can judge how well I’m doing by when the train comes.  I haven’t had to wait for the subway at all lately.  It is awesome.  It is like magic… it IS magic!  Totally.  And I believe in magic.

I had an audition today and I was so excited for it, the show looks hilarious and right up my alley (mingling with the audience, chatting up strangers, and getting them ready for the show).  I just knew it was for me and I was right, I start on Friday.  I’m feeling the same way about the audition I have Friday, the connections I’ve made recently that may help me get an agent, and the very close friend I have that is experiencing some success and luckily may want to have me write/sing a song with him.  Amazing.

It is all about believing and I’ve finally settled into my NYC life, and am diving into work again.  I’m so grateful that I’ve come out the other side of all the struggle I was facing the past year.  A lot of it was mind over matter and sometimes those are the hardest battles to face.  But I’m not going to be my own worst enemy anymore, I’m going to be my biggest supporter.

I hope you have something to be grateful for today, and some reason to have faith in all of your dreams :)

Day Ninety Five

Yayyyy!

Happy day.

Today I sleeeeeeeeept in and then when I woke up I wasn’t feeling it.

But I changed that because I know I have the power to have a great day.  So I spent the morning giving love for all I have, and wouldn’t you know, my day was AMAZING.

Work was awesome.  I love my job, it is always busy, we have a ton of employees and Mon/Tues is when they come in for their checks and I’ve made some friends.  Also… they are all male security guards so while a few are giant and scary some are beefed and delicious.  I made a new friend today ;) haha.  And they bring us presents!  Fruit, coffee, candy bars, lots of yummy treats.  We had coffee today which is bad cause I’m trying to eat better but I made my coworkers crack up when I was pounding the whip cream before I threw it out.

And when I went into the subway, the train I needed was pulling in as I went down the stairs.  NOT A COINCIDENCE!  And I said thank you.

It was a great rainy day and I ran 6 miles, surprisingly easily.. It just felt good.  Did some laundry.  Sent a bunch of important emails.  Feel fucking awesome.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Day Ninety Four

Today I woke up in a great mood. The sun was shining through my window and I could feel the breeze on my face.

Thank God I I live on the second floor and can sleep with my window open, that is the BEST way to sleep!

I spent the morning thinking, meditating, cleaning, and getting prepared for the day with a smile.  As I got ready I blasted some of my favorite music and just got in a real good mood.  The day is always better when you start off with a good sing-fest.  And it followed me to work, where my day went by quickly and I got paid!  And one of our supervisors brought us fruit for a treat.  Yum.

I didn’t have to work tonight and now I have the night to work.  Looking forward to auditions this week, doing some laundry, possibly breaking my personal record for mileage (7 miles I’m coming for you) and who knows?

So much to be thankful for.  So much opportunity.  <3

“What about your universe and mine? Earth Day is a good time for you and me to have a conversation with ourselves—to ask about life at the center of our respective universes. How would things look from the circumference? Are you taking care of your body and your mind? Are you taking care of the rooms where you spend your days and the streets where you travel and the people whom you pass? Is the universe that nurtures you and supports you and sustains you better off for having you at its center?”

An excerpt from a sermon - given by Galen Guengerich at All Souls Unitarian Church

Day Ninety Three

Could I have asked for a more beautiful day?

Or maybe all days are beautiful and I’m finally opening up my eyes to see it.

Last night I could have had a pity party.  Texted a bunch of friends to no response, apartment was empty, tried to see Avengers and it was sold out… Came home defeated and alone.  But instead I used the time to work and submit for a ton of auditions.  I used the free time to pursue my dream, and get excited.  There are so many opportunities for someone in my field, you have to be prepared and believe.  Maybe I’ll try out for Universal Studios in Singapore.  I could use an adventure.

I woke up today to texts from a friend needing early morning help.  Knowing that I am that person for someone means so much.  I proceeded to sleep til noon and had a CRAZY dream.  For some reason I decided to pull out a “dream meanings” book a friend gave me months ago that I haven’t ever looked at.  It was crazy that three main symbols in my dream had the same meaning… frustration.  So clearly my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  Part of me knows that I am frustrated with myself, for not pushing myself.  I think I know what the other frustrations are… Not sure how to solve those problems.  I think I need to start accepting the way things are and try and find my place in them.

The book also had some interesting things to say about de ja vu and spirits connecting and other dimensions and stuff, and it made me feel really good about the people that I bring into and cut out of my life.  Everyone comes to you for a reason and just because I can’t see that reason right now doesn’t mean I’m not in the right place.  Then I laughed at myself cause I’m such a sucker for spirits, and dreams, and fate.  Nothing is a coincidence.

After that eye opening morning I ran five miles (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS) which makes me feel fucking beastly and amazing and when I was done I found out one of my very great friends is getting engaged!!!!  I was so happy for her, and happy to see that because it means that I’m in the right state of mind about life right now, when such great things are happening.

And then I saw Avengers.  Seeing it on opening weekend was the best idea ever because even though I was alone it didn’t matter, the whole theater was packed and excited and screaming, clapping, and cheering along to the movie.  It was awesome.

Just.  Wow.  What a great day.  Writing all of it again makes me happy again that I had today.  I’m excited for tomorrow and the week and the future and all the growing that I have done.  Now all I need is someone to cook for and I will just explode with happiness… until then I’m making baby servings.  I’m practicing for you!  Whoever you are.  :)

Day Ninety Two

I’m getting a lot better at fighting off my bad moods…

Maybe if I was more grateful I wouldn’t get them to begin with!

Now I know as soon as I’m grumpy I text Netty and Marcus and its gone… running 4ish miles helps.

Running makes me feel SO much better.  I’m always so so so thankful that I have a safe neighborhood where I can run quite far without having to worry… also happy that I got new shoes and that has cleared up my knee issues and I can really go now.

Being in New York has taught me so much about myself.  Makes me very happy for all the people I have in my life and also makes me grateful for the people here that I’m able to hang out with.  It is a Saturday night at 11:30 and I’m at home alone, you can bet that I won’t take for granted living with my family or friends again.  I enjoy my solitude and I’ve learned how to be my own best friend at this point, but I don’t know… I’m thinking after this year in NYC I might be heading out again, somewhere, anywhere, where I have a little deeper support system.  Not like my New York friends aren’t great but they are new friendships and there’s something to be said for people who have been there for years.

But I’m grateful for the loneliness.  You truly learn a lot about yourself when there’s no one to fill the silence.

Day Eighty Seven

If you told me that today I would find comfort and peace by texting my ex boyfriend I would’ve laughed in your face.

And here we are.

How strange.  Maybe this is me finally feeling forgiveness… forgiveness at myself, and at him.  Whatever it is, the past few days have been pretty miserable but now I find myself on the other side feeling a lot better.  Talking to him was one of the highlights instead of something sad.

The past few days have SUCKED.  But, I am grateful for my bad moods.  They seem to be more productive, a warning sign that something is definitely wrong.  This weekend I took care of a big problem, the guy that I had been seeing.  He was a total asshole and pretty much treated me like crap but I wasn’t very serious about him and we only saw each other every once and awhile.  This past weekend I finally realized that it wasn’t worth fixing anymore and told him I was done.  RELIEF.

Realizing what a douche he was, and that it was bringing me down was a big reality check for me.  I thought, maybe there were other places in my life where people were hurting me, but not as obviously.  I guess I need to stop trying to make people into something that they’re not, and I need to stop trying to make them love me.  I’m very lovable!  (If I do say so myself haha) If someone can’t see that then they’re not the kind of person who should be in my life.  I don’t know when I started settling for someone who thought I was just okay.  Don’t you want someone who thinks you hung the moon?  I do.  But I seem to fall very easily… well, no more wasting my time on half assed relationships.  If you want me, show me, and come and get me… if not, I’m not going to give you the best of me.

So I’m grateful for the douchebag.

Being around him made me realize how much I missed my ex, and what I had with him.  Ryan was such a great guy and our relationship for the most part was really awesome.  He just graduated from college and we had made that a set date for when we would talk again, and my gut was telling me it was okay… which usually texting him is a bad idea.  But my gut was right, as usual, and I was happy to find out that him and I can have a conversation without me getting upset or sad that we aren’t together anymore.  Wow.  If I hadn’t contacted him I would never have known… we are slowly but surely on a path to becoming friends again, which is amazing and awesome to me because I feel like I’ve moved on a lot and because he is such a great guy and I would be very sad if he wasn’t part of my life in some way.

I guess, I’m grateful for the breakup, even though I wish it didn’t have to happen.  I have become more compassionate and much kinder.  And very, VERY aware of my moods and how I treat the people around me.   I try to give kindness as much as possible, although I know I can do even better.  The breakup led me to practicing gratitude, and gratitude has made my life infinitely better.

Grateful for love, loss, happiness, sadness, douchebags… and the one who is out there that thinks I hung the moon.  Wherever he may be.

Day Eighty Two

I have come to the conclusion that it is probably not possible for me to post every single day.  And this is okay.  Because I have been practicing gratitude quite a bit lately, and even when I don’t I have noticed that I have gotten in a habit of feeling love for the people and things around me.

So Eighty Two days in and I’m already a more loving person.

I can see it manifesting in my life.  Things keep falling into my lap, a huge job opportunity, connections that could get me an acting agent, and tickets to a live taping of one of my favorite shows.  And being grateful for all this just means more will come to me!  Also, my finances are looking good for the first time in a long time so I’m very happy about that.

And finally, I’m even grateful for my sadness and my loneliness.  I’m really learning to be on my own here in NYC and fill my time with things and people I love.  My best friend Netty, who always cheers me up.  Working on the business I seem to be starting.  Reading a book.  Exercising.

And being at peace even in times where I’m sad.  I am finally accepting that feeling a bit lonely, and spending time with myself is much better than feeling lonely and trying to fill the space with people that aren’t good for me.  I guess that means I’m growing up…